Madame Web’s Web of Intrigue: Tangled Threads and Twisted Fate

To start things off right away, the movie Madame Web (which opens in theaters on February 14) does not have its most famous phrase. That is to say, the scene that made a thousand memes (at least in my small gay internet community) only makes an appearance in the teaser. It is not stated in the movie that “he was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.” Cassie Web, played by Dakota Johnson, is a recently clairvoyant paramedic. S. J. Clarkson directs the film with aplomb and flare, but none of those words are ever put together in that sequence.

which would disappoint people who were hoping to see Madame Web for the camp that it seemed to be. There is a lot more goofiness in the movie, especially in the last few minutes, but overall, Madame Web is a subdued experience—it’s not horrible, but it’s also not great, and it’s neither boring nor as memorable as one could have hoped. The most interesting aspect of this weird film is how captivating its tortured existence is.

Madame Web’s Web Twitter feed

Madame Web’s Web of Intrigue

This movie appears to be related to the Spider-Man universe, but it doesn’t seem to be able to fully commit to being associated with that mythology. In 2003, Cassie and Ben Parker (Adam Scott) are pals and ambulance drivers. Ben Parker will eventually become a devoted and tragic uncle to Spider-Man, Peter Parker. Emma Roberts, Ben’s sister-in-law, is expecting a child, whose name we are certain is Peter, but we never hear it. It seems as though that name was mentioned at the conclusion of the movie, when Sony became nervous and chose to make Madame Web more independent.

In the contemporary landscape of superhero cinema, sentiments appear less than enthusiastic, judging by recent box office figures and critical evaluations. Madame Web seems akin to a vestige from a bygone era, a venture into intellectual property excavation that might have enjoyed modest success around seven years ago.

Alternatively, perhaps not. The film also serves as a nostalgic throwback to a pre-Iron Man epoch of comic-book adaptations, sharing more stylistic affinity with Halle Berry’s ill-fated Catwoman (2004) than with recent Marvel productions.

Madame Web’s Web of Intrigue

The pondering question is whether Clarkson intentionally crafts this, infusing the film with period nuances such as an early Beyoncé billboard and references to Martha Stewart’s incarceration, or if the entire movie serves as a semi-ironic commentary on the aesthetic embellishments of two decades past. Generously assuming Madame Web possesses such self-awareness seems to be a more forgiving interpretation.

Primarily, the film unfolds as an unexpected Pepsi advertisement inhabited by subdued performances. Johnson, known for her amiable roles in diverse genres like 50 Shades of Grey and Suspiria, adopts a minimalist approach. Her casting, in a film demanding a certain dynamism and fluency in the realm of fanciful language about venom and augury, proves to be an unfortunate choice. Tahar Rahim, portraying a spider man (not Spider-Man) antagonist, and Sidney Sweeney, depicting one of three teenage girls pursued by Rahim’s Ezekiel Sims, both fall victim to underdeveloped characters. Sims, a thinly sketched figure reduced to stalking adolescents and engaging in stilted techno conversations with Zosia Mamet, adds little substance to the narrative.

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Sweeney’s counterparts, played by Celeste O’Connor and Isabela Merced, exhibit livelier performances but are confined to playing characters with minimal depth. They, along with Sweeney, are supposedly destined for superhero greatness in a hinted follow-up film at the conclusion of Madame Web, a sequel that may never materialize. Everyone involved finds themselves ensnared in the uncertainty of brand identity, with the only unequivocal confidence expressed being their fondness for a refreshing Pepsi cola on a scorching New York City day, or rather, Boston masquerading as New York City.

Madame Web's Web of Intrigue
Madame Web’s Web of Intrigue

Having said that, a segment of Madame Web captivated me, particularly when the film assumes the guise of an unconventional chase sequence, drenched in Clarkson’s distinctive hues and animated by Johnson’s peculiarly entrancing performance. The film conceals something valuable beneath its surface—a narrative of women united by both destiny and choice, stealthily venturing into the night to preserve each other’s existence. Johnson’s dry, London gin-like humor injects Madame Web with more personality than the formulaic snark and whimsy prevalent in most contemporary MCU films.

Madame Web’s Web of Intrigue

Regrettably, the plot eventually hurtles towards an action-packed climax, and Johnson becomes entangled in a web of expository language. Clarkson fails to effectively exploit Cassie’s supernatural gifts; her glimpses into the future theoretically position her as a skilled fighter, capable of foreseeing an adversary’s moves moments before execution. However, instead of leveraging this potential, Cassie crashes a few vehicles and sets a fireworks warehouse ablaze, narrowly escaping disaster. Presumably, Ms. Web is intended to master her abilities in a sequel that may only exist within the realms of our imaginations.

In reality, Madame Web stands as a solitary endeavor—an idiosyncratic and erratic vision of what could have transpired had the superhero film industry discovered a sustainable path through its second decade. Despite the ceaseless influx of products, the increasingly intricate synergy, and the inevitable waning of novelty, the powers that be appear oblivious to the impending conclusion. Some prophets, indeed.

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